Hello there. If you've voluntarily clicked onto my profile, I am going to assume that either you have ridiculous taste, or a taste for the ridiculous, but at the same time you are also tasteless and ridiculous when it comes to humor. Please do continue reading.

Okay so who am I and what do I have to offer beyond vapid looking selfies, a curvy body and a rather more unique look and why should you choose me as a long term girlfriend or a wife? I'll list a few reasons beyond just overall being better than your ex girlfriend/wife.

I am the woman you want to be with when life gets tough. I will make you question everything you once thought was true, and second guess the conclusions you were once married to. For lack of better terms (but still accurate), looking for my best friend and a good wholesome king to serve, in exchange of being treated like a queen. I know it's cringeworthy, but it's not far off from the truth. Never did I ever think I'd end up on this horror show of a dating site, but here I am. Hopefully one of you blokes can help me get off of it and we can both lie to everyone we know and will end up knowing, and to our future kids about how we met. Political humor is a must, as I will be the type of broad who will run into your arms in the rain and passionately whisper "taxation is theft." Think of me as a bull dyke autistic 0 filtered version of Rachel McAdams with black lipstick. Romantic as tits.

1. I know how to cook and and clean and it makes me happy to do so.
2. I look fine without makeup but even better with it on.
3. Strangers will stop us in our tracks to tell you how lucky you are to have me as arm candy, and I've been told that if Christy Mack were Asian, she would look like me.
4. I will stick by you through thick and thin so long as you're not a piece of garbage to me. I've gone out with men in debt and men who can buy Porsches on a whim so it's not at all about money. I have no trouble walking away from money and fancy cars and have proudly done so quite a few times without a second thought or moment's hesitation.
5. We can listen to podcasts together. (I listen to the Joe Rogan Experience podcast all the time while doing my nails.)
6. I am a virgin waiting until marriage but obviously not going to be a prude in a relationship.
7. Your parents will love me.
8. I will be the biggest supporter you have by your side.
9. I am not afraid to show affection to you in public.
10. I know how to romance a good man.
11. If you compete in bodybuilding I will cook your food for you as much as I can, hell even if you don't, I'd still do it.
12. I have no issues with steroids and am relatively knowledgable about it for a girl (I recently just learned how to pin lol)
13. I will refer to you as Daddy because it's cute but also kinda hot.
14. I'm hilarious, sharp and witty. A good conversationalist.
15. I value traditional gender roles immensely.
16. I won't cheat on you because my friend circles consist of women and gay men only. I don't believe in being friends with straight men. The only true friend I'll ever have who is a straight man will be my future boyfriend. Also, I have been cheated on myself. That sh1t phucking stings and I would never repeat that kind of nonsense sneaky BS onto someone.
17. I'm not passive aggressive, or flaky like the average typical Vancouver broad
18. I am that unicorn woman you keep hearing about but never see.
19. Your happiness and satisfaction is my happiness and satisfaction.
20. I draw a lot and specialize in portrait amd famtasy inspired work. I'm pretty good. Maybe I can show you sometime?
21. LOVES DOGS
22. Largely a homebody, but if I do go out, it's to the gay bar where most of my friends are. Not often, I'd say about once every 3 weeks or a month.
23. Will admit when wrong and apologize. It's not in me to keep arguing about something after being proven wrong. Extremely self aware.
24. 0 baggage. Never married (almost did though lol), no kids. Super clean history, have always been a good girl and never gotten into any serious conflict.

Do I need to say more?

I do have my flaws as well however...

1. Can be a bit insecure but would never allow it to get to the point where it's insanity or immature
2. Self conscious about my overall appearance (Is it so bad that I just want to be the best arm candy my man has ever had?)
3. Awfully dark sense of humor, no limits when it comes to comedy. Like really, no limits.
4. Afraid to go to the gym alone because I'm no longer as lean as I once was (reverts back to 2# with body image issues)
5. Brutally honest. This can either be good or bad depending on you.
6. I'm not as close to my immediate family as I'd like to be, but have great relationships with my cousins.
7. I don't know if it's my sincerity that's frightening, or if Canadian men are low testosterone having creatures.
8. I've always wanted to get my lips and breasts done. Both are natural at the moment, hopefully it won't be a deal breaker for you as it's likely going to happen somewhere down the line.
9. I can get carried away when it comes to passion. If we have mutual feelings about each other I really won't be able to keep my hands off you.
10. I've had my heart broken many times because of my unwillingness to compromise when it comes to my values in terms of sex, but I'm not desperate enough to let that one go. Really, if you can't deal with it then don't bother.
11. I need someone who is okay with me wearing black lipstick sometimes.

There's lot more to it than that but I'll not spoil any surprises. Either way you will not be bored.

I don't know what else to say but here comes an even longer tangent about myself. I'm incredibly honest and play no games. I've never been one to do stuff like that, but am not about to start at this age. I can safely say that I am genuinely confident in my worth as a mate, a friend, best friend, girlfriend, and as a woman. For the past 2 years since I came out of my last relationship, I have done immense amounts of self reflections which included many painful and uncomfortable sessions of honesty with myself. I am not afraid of the cold hard truth and can take constructive criticism well, so well that it's rare my feelings are ever hurt when it comes to talking about various issues whether they be my shortcomings or past personal failures. I truly do believe that I am a woman worthy of long term commitment as I've taken care of every bit of emotional baggage from my last engagement, learned a lot more about myself and how I am hardwired and how to love selflessly, know exactly what it is I want in a man, refuse to settle for just average, and am ready to get back into the dating game as I no longer grimace at the thought of commitment with the right person.